i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
