Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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