Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
