I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
