Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
