I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
