We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
