Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
