Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
