if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
