it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
