A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so let's talk penis.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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