I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
