Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
