Hey man sorry I got all grabby
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
