We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
