you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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