Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I DEMAND FORESKIN
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
