great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
