I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
