He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
