JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
