I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
