she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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