I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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