Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
