i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
