i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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