areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
