you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
