Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
