Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
