I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
