im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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