My brain says no but my pants say off.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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