Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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