I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I love having hate sex.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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