It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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