Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
