Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
