am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
