Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
