why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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