jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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