I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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