I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
