I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
