So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
These tits shall not be calmed
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
