Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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