That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
