If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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