At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
