So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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