just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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