I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
